Heckin Game Inbox

[tothosewhobait]

[For messaging and continuations, beware possible 18+]

Comments

[tothosewhobait]

I can’t say I knew either, but I also don’t know how anyone could not be attracted to you.

Perhaps we should have you both start over? Forget everything you thought you knew about each other and go in with completely open minds. You can both have a second chance at first impressions if you sincerely want to.

[unpaidovertime]

I was hoping to clear things somewhat. And I told him I would take the time to consider what he wanted, but that was also the wrong answer. I thought we made some progress, but he was upset when I left. I didn't want to trespass in your bedroom.

[tothosewhobait]

Ah…? Why not? I wouldn’t have minded.

[unpaidovertime]

Every inch of his room was full of you. I don't belong there, and you do. Being in your bedroom would have felt like I was violating your personal space. For both of you.

[tothosewhobait]

Neither of us would invite you if you were not welcome. Consider this an invitation from myself as well.

I don’t know about every inch, but…if it was too full of me, then we will add some of you to balance it out. We can shop for pillows you like or a throw and bring over some of your things.

[unpaidovertime]

It felt like I was intruding somewhere I didn't belong. It so clearly isn't my space.

... Is that offensive? He took it so badly.

[tothosewhobait]

I...don't think it's offensive. It could feel like a rejection though. And he's the sort of person who is ready to be rejected.

And of course it won't seem like your space at first. It didn't seem like my space either in the beginning, but I jumped in and changed it to include me. It sounds like he and I are both willing to make room for you to make it your space too. You just have to be willing to jump in and start adjusting too.

It seems like he isn't the only one who is ready to be rejected.

[Releases Nanami from the hug, opting to take his hand instead and leading him to the couch in his office. If Nanami is as observant as ever, he may notice Azul's tie color today is not his usual purple, but instead a shade of yellow.]

[unpaidovertime]

He is especially ready to be rejected by me. But I couldn't just accept a relationship with him without giving it some thought. So far he's seen me act impulsively more than just about anyone, but hopefully he can understand that I don't normally jump into things without due consideration.

... I can see about finding something to make it feel more mine, but I do think my issue was more with it feeling like something I'm not meant to see. Your private lives, that I've stomped into and ruined.

[As always he will go wherever Azul takes him. And he does get a chance to look him over now that they're settled again.]

You look nice today.

[tothosewhobait]

Well. Do you want to try a date with him? I could either be there or not be there....whichever would be more helpful for you both.

And you didn't stomp into and ruin anything. I pursued you just as you pursued me, even if you seem to insist that I do not want you as much as you want me. You could stay over one night, just to see... Or we could stay in my room, since that's neutral ground. Neither of you has stayed in my room, so neither of you has anything there. We could all try staying in my room.

[Has a seat next to him, reaching out to take Nanami's hands]

You look very handsome today too, but you always look handsome.

[unpaidovertime]

I don't know. I hadn't thought of him that way so far, and a forced date could sour things between us even further. Even though I would like to get to know him better. He and Greed are similar in some respects, and they both deny how human they are. I should like to know the person he is, under all of the armor he puts up.

I don't know if having you with us would make things better or worse. I'm so over my head on this, I don't even know who to talk to for help. Still, I would be willing to try sharing a bed with both of you at some point. But every time I push it off to the future, I make now a little worse.

[Staring down at where Azul is holding him.]

I hope I look better than I did when you had to preen my wings for me.

[tothosewhobait]

I wish I was better able to give advise, but...this is so far beyond my little experience as well.

If you wish to try...it's just sleeping. I only sleep four hours a night, so if you decided you couldn't do it and got up when I did...it would basically just be as though you were going to work. He does not know what your schedule is like. If you wanted to try, but were worried about it going poorly, you would have an out at least.

[Brushes his thumbs over Nanami's knuckles]

I am glad to see you looking a little healthier. I was worried about you. I still am.

[unpaidovertime]

That might work out. I'm not sure what hours you keep in general, I tend to be up late at night still. So long as I'm not going to be upsetting your plans.

[He seems sensitive to that still, that his time and presence is in the way of other things. He would probably say 'better things' but he's wisely keeping that to himself.]

I'm sorry to have troubled you before. But why are you still worried?

[tothosewhobait]

I usually sleep between midnight and four...if that works for you.

[Can practically feel that mental pause, sir]

Why am I still worried...? Because I care about you, of course. And it is obvious you are still upset.

[unpaidovertime]

I may not sleep much, but I can try.

[Stiffening a little. He had been starting to relax and the idea that he's still so visibly upset puts him back on alert.]

What makes you say that I'm still upset?

[tothosewhobait]

Most of the clues are subtle....whether it's hesitation in your words or touches....a tightening of your expression....a little tiredness around the eyes....your body language going stiffer... Things like that. I wouldn't notice if I wasn't looking for them though.

You did it just now even.

[unpaidovertime]

You know me too well already. [It's almost a complaint, but not quite.]

I have genuinely been trying to get some perspective on things, I just don't know that my schedule for being okay and everyone else's line up. I need time to ruminate on things. I need to see my anger management coach. I need to get into some kind of routine so I can stop feeling like every day is a larger and larger challenge.

Sometimes I worry that my time here will be too short to do all the things I want, but rushing headlong into things just isn't me.

[tothosewhobait]

I do not want to rush you, I am just perhaps a little too efficient. If I hear there is a problem, I jump right into ‘how do we fix it’.

[Gives his hands another little squeeze]

Is there anything I can do to help?

[unpaidovertime]

I'm not sure, like I said, I just need a little time to process everything. But I don't know if I'm the one you should be worried about right now. I think Envy may have taken things badly when I left, I heard glass shatter afterward and called you right away.

[He's wondering if he should have stayed and figured out what happened instead of immediately running off here.]

I'm sorry I've made things worse. I don't know what I'm doing and it shows.

[tothosewhobait]

You…and him…and me… We are all doing the best we can in the ways we know how. And none of us know how to make this better, but we are all trying. Doesn’t that knowledge already make it a little better…? I think…rather than charging ahead alone at the same time, in the same ways we always try to fix things….we should perhaps work together on this. Or else we really will be stuck.

[Kisses Nanami’s cheek before leaning forward, resting against him]

We all need to be patient with each other…and assume the best, hmm? As for Envy, are you sure you’re all right. I am taking care of you right now.

[unpaidovertime]

We do need to learn how to work together. Not just for the sake of work but for keeping all of this from falling apart. I really don't want to lose you.

[He wraps an arm around Azul to keep him close, even if it makes him feel guilty because he knows Envy will need the support more and soon.]

I'm fine. Other than being a little insulting about seeing my eyes he didn't hurt me at all. I shouldn't have showed him my cursed technique, though, he reacted poorly to it even when I tried to reassure him that I wouldn't cut him even if I could. He was unsure of how to cut the melon I gave him and I thought maybe I could help without the stress of having him give me a knife. But now he knows I can cut through things without a cutting edge and that will almost certainly make him less inclined to trust me...

[He's spiraling a little, in case that's the answer to Azul's question about if he's alright.]

[tothosewhobait]

[Wraps his arms around Nanami’s waist, setting his chin on the other man’s shoulder]

He is probably a little intimidated still considering what happened between you two.

That said, it sounds like he is trying to work through it. Just like you need time on some things, so does he. You’ll both get there, if that’s where you decide you want to be.

[Holds on a bit tighter to make his presence felt]

You’re not going to lose me. I trust us to figure out a way that we can all exist.

[unpaidovertime]

[Nanami's wing reaches out to wrap around Azul. Many of the feathers have already grown in, although it's easy to see where they're not fully grown out yet. But all the new feathers look healthy and in a few days he'll probably be back to his usual look.]

I know you've forgiven me for hurting him, but it's not forgotten by any of us. I just need to make sure I'm worthy of your forgiveness. And his.

And your trust.

[He smiles a little, it's hard to resist Azul when he's like this.]

Oh. Do you know what sorts of things he likes? I'm sure I can keep bringing fruit forever but I would rather find something that can occupy his time for longer than eating does. Art supplies, or books, or maybe a puzzle?

[tothosewhobait]

[Hums in thought, rubbing his cheek against Nanami's shoulder]

Hmmmm....what he likes.... I know he really likes his phone these days. Perhaps a cute case or charm for it? He is prone to almost breaking it, so perhaps one of those little straps so he can wear it around his neck?

He loves appearances and playing with his.... So perhaps clothing you think he would look attractive in? And make sure to tell him you think he would look attractive in them or that you want to see him in them. And mean it.

Perhaps something decorative for his room? He really is not prone to buying things, but he loves gifts. He's kept everything I have given him.

As far as hobbies....he does not really have any? He likes gifts, he likes experiences.... That said, if you want to introduce a hobby to him.... Perhaps something simple to start? I think he would probably get defeated if it was something that he couldn't do well right out the gate. He's very clever, so puzzles are not a bad idea. I enjoy board games... And I think he might too. That would be something he could play with Velvet and me or you and me....

[unpaidovertime]

That's helpful, thank you, darling. What would I do without you?

[He says that and really means it this time, he's feeling better than when he walked in and he has a better idea of how he's going to try and mend things with Envy.]

It's late and I'm sure I've already kept you too long. You should go home.

[It hurts a little less to think of it that way, to think of Azul being at home there with someone else.]

[tothosewhobait]

Am I staying at your place tomorrow? Or are you staying at mine?