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[tothosewhobait]

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Outgoing Mail - W

[tothosewhobait]

Hello handsome,

Miss me? I hope so, but hopefully not too much. I told you I would write, but hopefully the wait was worth it. I know you said you merely wanted me to write about my day-to-day, however, I can't help but worry it might be a bit boring. So, please forgive me if it isn't terribly exciting...

Noah came back with us, as you know. He looks wonderful in the uniform and we situated him with a room in the Octavinelle dorm, in a room not far from mine. However, he has taken to staying in my room, which is impossibly charming. I can only assume this is what it is like to have a little brother. The first day we mostly purchased the things he needed before retiring to the dorms. And before you say anything, know that I did actually take a couple days off for myself. We mostly toured the school, napped, and did puzzles. Noah seems to enjoy them, so you'll have to put together a couple with us when I can see you again. I also cannot wait to see you in the uniform as well. I think you will look quite handsome. Moreso than usual, that is.

I'll have to start attending dorm leader meetings again soon; there is only so much of a break I can take before I risk dorm leader Riddle hunts me down for neglecting my duties. I have been avoiding attending board game club, I will admit. I fear I will miss you terribly, more than I currently do. However, I know you wouldn't want me to avoid things I enjoy doing. And Idia even showed up in person to inquire about my absence. Please make sure you play games as well. Make time for the things you enjoy with people you enjoy. And in the downtime, plan a game for us to play together. I'll be looking forward to it, of course.

Things are about to be very busy. With the new branch of the lounge up and running and with me soon to resume operations at our location on campus, it will be a learning curve...juggling multiple locations. I think that is exciting though. That is, I look forward to it. If I keep busy, time will pass faster and I can see you sooner. And before you worry? Please trust that I'm handling the arrangements for you to join me. I have a way of striking deals with people and the headmaster is no exception. There are many of the dorm leaders I can count on the support of. You will not be a burden and I want you here. Terribly so.

I find myself wondering what you are doing. How you're feeling. If you're having fun. I want to talk with you. I want to hear your voice. I miss your voice and the way your wings flutter when you're excited about something... When you visit I want to go swimming again. I have found a bit of a confidant in Vil. He was also with us as a guest star, so I'm able to talk about you freely with him. Please forgive me for being somewhat embarrassing, but I feel like I would burst if I did not talk about you a little. For the record, I wear your necklace. It clashes terribly with the uniform, but it is a precious treasure to me. Is that weird? Still, it's a little thing, but it means quite a bit to me. Like a promise I can touch.

The twins are reading over my shoulder now and ask that I say 'hello' on their behalf. They are settling back in as well. Currently they are enjoying lying to everyone about Noah, claiming he is merfolk and related to us. Or me, rather. Never let it be said they do not enjoy a good hustle as well... Between them and Noah though, I am having fun every day. It will only get better when you join us. I am rarely alone these days, which is good. At night, when it's quiet is when I miss you the most. It's funny...how quickly I became used to having you around. It was such a short time, but it felt so much longer. I hope it's not one sided and that you miss me too.

My hair is getting longer. Should I cut it? Or do you think longer would look nice? Perhaps I should just surprise you. At any rate, I'll be sending a plush in my stead. Know that I wish I could wrap around you right now. Make sure to have fun. Make sure to make some friends. I already know you're doing your best, as always. I'll be rooting for you, of course. I love you. I miss you.

Affectionately yours,

Your boyfriend and the number one fan of Mr. Number Two Pro Hero.

Azul

[tothosewhobait]

Hello Handsome,

I wrote the first letter, but I realized you deserved to know the rest of my thoughts. And I shouldn't be the only one suffering this feeling, after all. That is, you definitely owe me a great debt when I see you again for leaving me to deal with this alone. I've never written a letter like this before, so please be patient with me as this is incredibly embarrassing to put down on paper.

You see, when I get a moment to myself...which I'll admit isn't terribly often...I like to imagine I'm laying next to you. The warmth from your body and wings sinking into my skin. The warmth of your skin and feathers is a delightful contrast to the chill of my own body and it makes me hyper aware of every place where our skin meets. It reminds me of times I would sneak up to the surface on sunny days to bask in the rays on a rock and sun myself. The idea of getting to spend the day at the beach with you again and hear your voice at the same time as the gentle lapping of the waves is something I want so bad I can almost hear it already.

I picture us in the water, where I can bite down on your shoulder, tongue running over the mark I leave behind and tasting the salt on your skin. Your breath hitches and it's quiet, but I'm close enough that I manage to catch it even over the sound of waves crashing against nearby rocks.

I close my eyes and focus on remembering your warmth and the feeling of the more calloused parts of your hands on my skin. The scratch of your stubble against my jaw when I kiss you... I imagine turning my head so you can taste yourself on my tongue as I push you through the water to press your back against a rock we were sunning on earlier to support you while my hands find their way down the lines of the taut muscles of your chest and stomach.

And while my hands are on your body, my tentacles will twine your wrists and ankles together, nice and tight. Another keeping you up and against the rock so you don't sink into the water while I focus on leaving little bites wherever my mouth can reach.

Anyways...I thought it important I make it clear that I miss you in a lot of ways. Needless to say, we will go to the beach when you visit.

Longingly yours,

Azul

Disclaimer: If you wish to think lewd things about me too in my absence, that is only fair. I will give you fair use permission to borrow my image in your thoughts.

INCOMING W-GRAMS

[doublefried]

[ SO ANYWAY all these letters come in at weird and inconsistent times, probably in roughly chronological order, you know how it is with The Mail System ]

Re: INCOMING W-GRAMS

[tothosewhobait]

[Blushes to the tips of his ears, curling up with them in a chair at the lounge and pressing his face into the letters]

Time to double down...

Letter from Nyx

[counterlighting]

To Morgana-

I hope this letter finds you well.
I don’t actually know how to write a letter. I looked at one in a book and it started off like this. Do you write a lot of letters?
I’m not sure what I should write about. I don’t really understand lots of things that happen down here, and there’s lots of things I don’t know yet.
We talked about making friends, so I’ll write about the people I’d like to be friends with. I know enough to write about that.

Eirene is the first person I talked to here. She isn’t bigger than me, but I think she’s really collected and level-headed. It’s not that she’s always calm, but more like she keeps it together when she’s confused or whatever, and I think that’s cool.
She looks like a little brown bunny and she has really long ears, but it’s still harder to find her in a crowd than you’d think. Apparently she hasn’t been here very long either. I want to learn lots of things with her.
Persephone is the kind of person who makes you think “oh, that really suits him” even when he’s just got fallen leaves stuck in his hair. He’s always really regal and elegant, but at the same time, he doesn’t feel scary. It’s like he stands out, but he doesn’t. Does that make sense?
It’s hard to tell what he’s thinking from his expression, but I think he likes all of us very much, and the idea of being liked by him makes me feel really happy.
I got to read a book with him when I first got here. I’d like to do that again.
Lucifel is a very nice big brother who lived on an island a long time ago. Now that I’m thinking about it, I guess that means he’s maybe an uncle or a grandfather instead of a big brother? He looks just like Persephone, except bigger and more imposing but also softer. That doesn’t make much sense either, does it?
I think he tried to lie to me one time, but I also think he was doing it to be nice to me. I’m making him sound like a confusing person, but he’s not, he’s very nice. Like Persephone, I feel like he likes us a lot. I want to do things to make him smile.
Izanagi is always showing or teaching me about things, and he’s always helping me or petting me. I wonder if he’s this nice to everybody? Every time we talk he ends up helping me, so I want to learn how to do everything.
It’s not that I don’t like learning from him, but I want to be nice to him in return. I wonder if I’ll be able to learn enough to show him cool things, too. He says I’m smart, so maybe?
Pan joined my team on the same day as me. He’s very handsome and very good at climbing trees, so he’s very cool. I thought maybe he didn’t like me all that much, but apparently he does. I like him, too. He doesn’t talk very much, but he has a nice smile. I think he’s an earnest person, and I’d like to get to know him as we learn down here.
Venti is the very best bard in the world. That’s really cool, isn’t it? He seems like he has a lot of fun, but sometimes he’s also very serious. That’s also really cool. I haven’t talked to him as much as the other senior members of our team, but he’s nice and says lots of things I hadn’t thought about before.
Kaguya is a really nice big sister. She always tries to help me even when she’s tired, and she’s always thinking about us (the whole team) a lot. I like it when she’s nice to me, but I also want to get more reliable so I can help her out, too. I wonder if I can have both things at once. Would that be a kind of friendship? I’m not sure.

Aradia is a nice lady who knows a lot of words. I can’t always keep up with what she’s saying, but that makes me want to try. Her voice is nice to listen to, and she’s really considerate of what other people are feelling.
Gold and Silver are some brothers I haven’t talked to very much yet, but they’ve been nice to me. Gold is a really good cook, and Silver likes Gold a lot. Silver is up front with me when I ask him to be, and that’s nice.
I think maybe they like it when other people are happy? I think I’d like it if they were smiling a lot, too.
B is another person who is nice to me. I don’t know a lot about him yet. And he’s the kind of person I don’t want to make a lot of assumptions about. But I like it when he comes over and talks to me, and I’d like it if he enjoyed talking to me, too.
W already knows you. Isn’t he nice? I think he cares about what I’m feeling when we talk and that’s extra-nice. We talked about you a little bit, but we didn’t say anything mean, just for the record.
Tsukasa is somebody I didn’t talk to much. Actually, I think I wasn’t very nice when we talked, so I’m not sure we could be friends. But I want to be nicer next time. He says I was here before, and he met me then? But also this is a bad thing? I don’t really get it. That’s not his fault, though.

The last person isn’t somebody here.
I remembered just a little bit about the place I came from, and about who I used to be. It was only a little bit, because I think it was all just a dr I think I didn’t really care about those parts in my memory. I was paying more attention to the other person there with me.
Apparently I have an older brother. His name is Harque, and he’s very nice. Maybe it’s weird to want to be friends with somebody I’m already family with. But maybe it’s not, because I don’t really remember being family with him yet.
I’d like to know more about him. I don’t want him to be here, but also maybe I do, because I want to hear his voice again. Maybe that’s selfish. I wonder if he’d like me even if I’m a little selfish? I want to remember if he liked me or not.


Isn’t that a lot of people? Everyone down here has been really nice to me. I think I’m lucky to be surrounded by so many people I want to be friends with.
Thank you for becoming my first one.
I’m not sure what being a good friend is like, or all the things friends do together, but I hope we can do lots of fun things together.

I think this is already a lot to write, so I’ll be done here. I hope it wasn’t boring. Even if it was, please write me back and tell me what kind of things you’d like me to write to you next time.


(The letter is signed with a doodle of a little lily with its head drooping, next to a crescent moon. In the bottom corner is written one extra note:)

I did actually make friends with somebody on this list after I started it. Can you guess which one? I’ll tell you the answer when I see you next time.

Letter from Nyx (2)

[counterlighting]

To Morgana-

Is it too early to send you another letter? I hope not. I started thinking about what else I could write to you, and it made me want to go ahead and write another one.
Thank you for your advice before, about the bad things that were going to happen. You were right.

The bad things did happen a little while after that. Is it weird that I felt a little relieved?
I didn’t like people getting hurt and being sad, of course. But it happened, and I made it through that, and everybody was with me.
Izanagi said people are more scared of what’s unknown than what they do know, and that makes a lot of sense. Now that I know what the bad things are like, and I know that I can get through it, I feel a little bit braver.
It’s still scary, and I think it would hurt a lot more if I can’t stay with my team forever. But everything isn’t all bad.

That also made me think, though. I wonder what I’ll do when I’m not with everybody anymore. I think sometimes people graduate, and sometimes people leave here for other reasons.
I don’t know what I want to do when I leave here, because I don’t know me well enough. Does that sound silly?

I’d like to get to know me more, though. I remembered a little bit, and I feel like remembering is more like changing than learning. It’s a little scary, because I can’t go back to how I was before. But I want to.
I hope I can get to know myself too, while I get to know more about my friends.

Could you tell me more about you? I’ll try to tell you more about me, as I figure it out.

I hope you’re well.

(The letter is signed in the same way as the previous one.)

Day 401 - Letter

[bondsofsuffering]

Fata Morgana,

You're one of the staff members of the Lounge, right? [FRIGORIS] has told me about meeting a staff member who's picky about his friends but who decided to befriend him anyway. He's one of our newest and our youngest, so thanks for reaching out to him.

SensitIV was pretty busy with our own matters during the guest event, so I didn't have much time to interact with you or your unit at the time. But the way [FRIGORIS] talked about you made me curious, so I wondered if we could perhaps arrange a meeting? I know the lounge isn't always staffed, but I'll probably drop by for lunches from now on, if that time ever turns out to be convenient for you.

-[Blade]

Letter from Nyx (3)

[counterlighting]

[This letter is written in handwriting not quite like previous ones signed the same way, unnaturally neat and orderly but dotted with faint smudges. The person who wrote it was clearly very anxious about minor messups.]

To Morgana-

I hope you are well. Thank you for your letters, and for the drink.


I’ll try to be careful.
If you really want to send me something you can but you don’t have to.
I spend my free time reading or walking or swimming.
You did tell me about your friends before. I haven’t met them.
I don’t know many people on alcheME! or what they mean by a charm point.
I’m not sure what the difference between other languages and animal languages is.
I haven’t learned much about this place. It’s still confusing.

What kind of things do you like about your alchemy classes? It isn’t boring to hear about that.



I’ve learned more about the people around me, but I think it’s all things I shouldn’t have learned. Things I shouldn’t share. It’s this place’s fault I found out, it’s not that they wanted to tell me. I don’t know if I’m happy to know them or angry because they shouldn’t have had to tell me.
A couple of them have left. Kaguya and Pan. I think I really liked them, so I’m selfishly sad they’re gone even though it’s probably better for them to not be here.

I learned a lot more about myself. I remembered most of my life. I think.
My name is “Noah Ebalon”, I’m fifteen years old, and I don’t think I was supposed to live very long since I was really sick. I mentioned him before, but I had a big brother, too. He was very kind to me, even though I didn’t ever tell him thank you. I just said I’m sorry over and over or complained because I wanted him to do more even though he was already doing a lot. I don’t think I was a good brother.
I don’t think I was a good person. I don’t like what I was doing back then. I don’t think I can go back to how I was before I remembered, but I don’t know if I’m exactly like the me I remembered either.

I remembered the rest of my family, too. They didn’t like me. Some of my unit members don’t like them. I want to see them a lot. I don’t like it when people just talk badly about them or act like I shouldn’t miss them or tell me I’m allowed to be any way I want to be but NOT like how my family wanted me to be. I think they were nice people and it was just really hard for all of us for different reasons. Even if they weren’t nice people I want to see them. I’d like it if I could go home soon.

I don’t think this letter is very fun to read. Sorry. You can tell me if you would rather I didn’t write next time.


We have one new member to replace Kaguya and Pan. He seems really nervous. Our dorm is covered in blood and full of knives and teeth, so I guess it’s probably scary. It feels weird not being the newest member along with Pan. It feels weird that Pan isn’t here. Everyone still treats me like the baby though. They treat me kind of like a baby. I appreciate their concern, and I think they’re all very kind and trying hard to take good care of me. I feel kind of weird now getting petted and stuff when I haven’t even done anything though. I don’t not like it so it’s not like they’re bullying me or anything, but it’s weird. I don’t think “weird” is actually the right word for any of this.


I still like the ocean a lot, even after I remembered all those other things. It makes me feel calm, but it also interests me and scares me (in a good way) at the same time. I remembered I like nighttime a lot too. I feel safe when I’m alone in the dark and nobody can see me. I hate mornings, I don’t sleep but sometimes I think about trying to sleep through sunrise but I can't settle down whenever I try for some reason. I like the moon a lot more than the sun, but I don’t know if I don’t like the sun itself. I tried to think of other things I like, but I can’t think of too many.

I’m sorry I didn’t write back for a while. I kept trying but I didn’t like what I wrote. I don’t really like this one either but I don’t want to not send one again. I hope it’s at least long enough to count as a reply for all three you sent me.

I don’t know if the Goddess will listen to me when I’m no longer in her world, but I pray for your health and happiness.

[As usual, in place of a signature, there’s a little drawing of a lily with its head bowed.]

Letters from Nyx

[counterlighting]

(4)

[counterlighting]

To Morgana-
A couple of things happened. I don’t know if they’re interesting or not, but I tried writing about them anyway.

There was a “really bad game” I wasn’t there for. It seemed like some people got eaten by monsters, or burned up, or sliced in half. I don’t understand what’s appealing about this to our “audience”. Don’t they ever get tired of all this gore and misery? Or do they just enjoy it so much they never get sick of it? I’m not sure I’d want to understand even if I could.

Maybe I’m a little similar to them, though. I didn’t like seeing people hurt, but it didn’t make me as sick as I would have thought. I think I was almost I don’t know if “glad” is the right word for it, but maybe that’s close. As awful as that is. Everyone else on my unit was down, so it was just me and Persephone helping everybody. I think I enjoyed feeling “useful” a little too much. I don’t like the idea of feeling “glad” because other people were hurt, just because it’s convenient for me.
In the first place, it’s silly for me to feel satisfied that I got to “help” other people when I didn’t even have to put in any effort. It costs me nothing to pass out gifts I was given for free, but everybody acts like I was doing them some great service anyway. That doesn’t feel fair, maybe. It doesn’t feel right? Something like that.
Am I supposed to just embrace this as cheap, easy gratification, like this “show” itself?


The second thing that happened was that my unit “ran a cafe” for a day. It was right after the bad game. I don’t think it was as fancy as your lounges, more like children playing pretend. A big part of it was playing pretend, actually, since we all dressed up like some kind of fantastical caricature of “servants” for it.
I really don’t understand the appeal to “maids”, especially since most of us were dressed up more like princesses, and it was really obvious that we were the ones in charge rather than the customers. I don’t think I like the idea of servants being taken advantage of by their masters, even as a fantasy, but it really didn’t feel like that at all in practice.
It was a “self-care live”, but the “self-care” was more for us than for the others. Like I said, most of my unit was hurt really bad in the game. I think it made them feel better to pretty themselves up and guilt the others into playing their games.

There were definitely customers who weren’t just playing along out of a feeling of guilt or wanting to do something for us in exchange for what we do for them, though. Persephone emptied a man’s wallet entirely, Venti and Lucifel were having more fun than I’ve ever seen them have elsewhere, and there were even some “maids” from other units. Several of them were from “alcheME!”. I didn’t take a picture of your bird, but he was there, too.

I don’t get the appeal of “maids”, but I didn’t not like it. I don’t want people to stare at me, but I think maybe I like dressing up a little? Is it weird that I don’t want to be looked at, but I like being praised? Maybe I always liked that kind of thing and it’s just scary now because it reminds me of things I don’t want to remember. I don’t know. Do you like dressing up? Are there any kinds of clothes you particularly like?

I pray this letter finds you well.

[It’s signed with the usual signature of a lily with its head bowed.]

(5)

[counterlighting]

To Morgana-

Thank you for the letter.
I hadn’t thought about clothes that way, but maybe you’re right. When I wear my costumes and focus on filling my unit’s “image”, it does feel a little like maybe people are only seeing that “image” and not really me. It’s oddly comfortable, thinking about it that way.

My "profile" says I'm "an idol who only knows one song", but I don't know what that's supposed to mean. I don't remember any songs in specific. My unitmate Venti is a bard, and Persephone used to be a shrine maiden. They’re both very good at singing, and Venti at playing his harp. I don’t really listen to other music, but I don’t need to, since theirs is my favorite. I’d like to hear you play sometime, though. Do you have any favorite kinds of songs?
I know how to dance just a little bit, but I stopped learning almost as soon as I started. I’m no good at it at all. Are you good at it? You seem like you’d be good at lots of things.

It’s getting a little colder here. I doubt it’s as cold as it would be under the sea, though. I think I like winter. I don’t know if I like the cold or not, but it’s better than everything being all hot and noisy.
Do you have a favorite season?

I hope this letter finds you well.

[It’s signed with the usual signature of a lily with its head bowed.]

(6)

[counterlighting]

To Morgana-

I think it’s definitely winter over here now. The seasons change very quickly down here, or maybe it just seems like it? Every day is either too much or nothing at all, no in between.
There’s been a few “games”. One where everybody got turned into monsters or spirits, one where everybody got drunk, and one where we had to sit around and talk about our feelings and memories. Which were on display without our permission, of course.

I was stuck as some kind of water spirit for the first one? I looked it up later, and I think I was supposed to be part “sea angel”. There’s lots of interesting creatures in the ocean, but I’m not sure why they thought it was a good idea to bring them all up onto land without any legs.
I didn’t get drunk in the second one since I got lucky, but there were some other guys who were just falling over themselves. It’s too bad my unit’s “powers” can’t do anything about poison. Someone laughed at me when I called alcohol “poison”, though. What else am I supposed to call it?
The third one was awkward. I ended up yelling at Izanagi again. I feel like a jerk afterwards, but sometimes I just get so mad I raise my voice before I even realize what I’m doing. The host running the game made it sound like they were expecting us to make some kind of positive progress or, as they put it, ”character development”, but I don’t see how that’s supposed to happen and be meaningful when we’re getting beaten over the heads with it. Some of us are lost causes, anyway.

There isn’t really a lot to talk about outside the “games”. I spend a lot of time in the dorm reading or out taking walks. I used to be kind of sick and I didn’t want to go out, so I never really went out for walks before, but I think it’s nice. Do you like that kind of thing? Maybe it’s going for swims in your case.



Does your world have any gods? Have you ever prayed to one of them?

I hope this letter finds you well.

[It’s signed with the usual signature of a lily with its head bowed.]

(7) cw: very slight bodyhorror and self harm ideation

[shatteredhourglass]

To Morgana-

You don’t need to be in a rush to reply to me. It doesn’t feel like you took any time at all, so maybe the passage of time feels different down here.
I don’t know what kind of regrets I could have when I leave here, honestly. Aside from regretting my own incompetence, but that doesn’t have much to do with taking how much time left I have for granted. Even in the context of time spent with those “dear to me”... I don’t know if I can call anyone here “dear to me”. It feels presumptuous. I don’t hate anybody, or dislike spending time with the people around me, but all of that time is tainted by the fact that we’re only stuck together because of those awful “Producers”. I want everyone to be able to escape from here as soon as possible.

In regard to whether I got a photograph of my “mer form” or not, I did kind of take one so I could double check what it was supposed to be later. You can’t really tell it’s me anyway, so I’ll send it.
Though I guess you may not recognize me if you see me again, so I’ll take you up on your offer to give your “brutally honest opinion” on a “different kind of outfit” too. Does this one look too silly on me? They normally won’t let us wear different styles or else we’ll disappear, but apparently it’s alright on special holidays. I was given this outfit then.

I feel awkward and embarrassed wearing it, like I don’t really belong in it. But I like it too, because it looks like the clothes people wore in a different friend of mine’s home country. I saw it during one of those privacy invasion games, but he was eager to show me around when I did. It was one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen. I just wish my eyes hadn’t gotten bad so I could have seen it better when I had a chance. I doubt I’ll ever get to see something like it again.
Every city and village in the world is so different, and especially the ones from other worlds are different. What are the cities under the ocean like? Or do you not live in cities? I suppose I shouldn’t make assumptions.

Thank you for all of your advice, as well. I don’t know if I’m capable of making full use of most of it, but thank you for reading even when I’m just talking about my silly problems. Writing it out makes me feel a little better. Apparently I used to do that in a journal- I’d write down all my thoughts and worries and useless whining. Please tell me if you get sick of it and I’ll go back to doing it that way.
I used to know what kind of person I wanted to become. I can’t become that person anymore, though, so I don’t know anymore. That makes "taking control" hard. I think back home I wanted to just finish things up and then be done. I think maybe I still do. If I go home like this, if I don’t have anything else to remember, then I think I probably will. Honestly. Thinking about stuff like “what kind of person do I want to become”, “changing things for the better”, “finding success and happiness”, all of it seems like a pain. I didn’t want to think about it at all in my memories. I feel less tired than I did in my memories, though, like maybe I can think about it a little? But I think maybe I also don’t want to, even if I’m not too tired. Is that silly? I know it’s silly. I know I’m just being a whiny brat. Who says “I don’t want to be happy”? It’s stupid.


I don’t really want to dance, I’ll just make a fool of myself in front of the cameras. I’d like to hear you play though. I’ll go visit sometime, but don’t feel like you have to pay attention to me if you’re busy.
I’m not sure how dancing and such has no “value”. It’s a symbol of your education and affluence, and being able to entertain others is necessary in society. I guess maybe it might be different under the ocean? My family wouldn’t have had me study such things in the first place if they weren’t considered necessary skills, but maybe that’s just part of the culture I’m from.

Your thoughts on seasons don’t sound “cheesy” at all. I think that’s nice. I never really thought about enjoying things like seasons, they were just things that happened outside. I didn’t feel the heat or cold on my skin or notice the difference in what grows back when I was little.

I hope this letter finds you well.

[It’s signed with the usual signature of a lily with its head bowed.
Two printed photographs are enclosed, one a picture of a clione mer’s mer half, all transparent with blue guts floating around in it. The other is of a familiar but somewhat taller boy, hair short and wearing large round glasses along with a very different kind of outfit.]

(8)

[shatteredhourglass]

To Morgana-

Is it starting to warm up where you are? It’s still cold where I am, but much less already. It doesn’t feel like it should stop being winter yet. This place is so weird.

In regard to your questions from a previous letter, I mostly read textbooks. I’m not really studying them, but if I read enough of them maybe I’ll pick up on a few things that are useful. Our powers let me be useful with little to no effort, but there is some stuff that would probably be easier if I knew what I was doing. Like putting skeletons back together. I’m scared I’ll forget which part goes where when I
Sorry, I guess that’s not a very fun thing to talk about. Back home I would read anything, though I didn’t like books that were too pretentious. I guess I prefer books with actual information instead of fantasies in them, even if I’m no good at remembering any of it. I thought I liked the books we have about gods in the dorm back when I first got here, but now I think I don’t like it all that much, actually.

We have some gods where I’m from. The Goddess who made the world, her subordinate who became the steward of the world afterwards… I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it, but my brother was going to become a priest. He prayed a lot. I don’t know if the Goddess listened. She’s never listened to me. If she was going to listen to anyone it ought to have been him, but .
She doesn’t do much that has anything to do with us people. My brother said he believes it’s because she wants all of us to learn to work together and overcome our problems together, instead of fixing everything for us. He was never wrong about anything so I guess that’s how it is.

I try not to think too much while I’m on my walks. Sometimes I run so it’s harder to think. I don’t sleep so there’s a lot of time where I’d be left alone in my head if I didn’t do things like read or swim. I don’t really like what I think about when I let my mind wander, though. Maybe if I started reading more fantasies I could think about “what will happen next” or something instead? Something to worry about that has nothing to do with real worries. I’m not really sure where to start, though. Do you like reading? Do you have any favorite kinds of stories?

I hope this letter finds you well.

[It’s signed with the usual signature of a lily with its head bowed.]

(9)

[shatteredhourglass]

To Morgana-
I’m about to go off on a tangent and I haven’t even begun writing yet, sorry in advance.
One time, I got dragged into one of those invasion of privacy type of “games” (it might not have been a proper game), for someone I didn’t even know. A woman I met was crying, but she stopped after we started talking, and she gave me a hug. She told me “thank you”, and that “to share one’s love and one’s grief, to look for mutual understanding is one of the biggest parts of love there is”.
I don’t know why, but I was never able to forget that the whole time I’ve been here. I think I understand a little better, now. Do you think that’s what love is? Do you think it’s something else? Or something more?

Just for the record, I’m DEFINITELY! not saying this is about “love”. But I was reminded of that conversation recently, when I remembered somebody. Before I came down here, I fell asleep ended up alone for a really long time because of some bad things happening. Everywhere was a strange place, and every person I met was a stranger. I really hated it. I just wanted to go home. I wanted to see my brother again.
In the end, though, I met someone else who was “lost”.

In my memories, I was almost too scared to talk to him, even though he couldn’t touch me if he tried (because of some complicated reasons). He also got on my nerves, because he was really noisy and teasing and frustrating and.
Anyway, we didn’t really seem to be getting along in my memory. Looking back on it now, I think I was really relieved to finally be able to talk to somebody, though. Somebody who understood how it felt, to be alone and lost and not know what to do after losing everything. On one hand, he’s annoying, but on the other, I kind of hope we managed to get along a little better after that. He doesn’t seem like a bad person, even if he was annoying. And noisy.

I don’t want the people I know down here to be stuck here even a moment longer, but I also selfishly don’t want to be alone again. I think that part definitely isn’t something that can be called “love”. Maybe now that I know there’s somebody out there I could talk to back where I’m from I can stop feeling selfish.

I hate the “Producers”, but at the same time, I think I have to be grateful to have met the other people on my “unit”, and also people like you. Thank you for saying you’d be my friend, even if it was just on a whim or because you knew a different me. I want to talk to you and everybody else about things we might have in common, and also hear about the new things I don’t know about that everybody else does. I’d like to continue being selfish for just a little while longer, if you’ll let me.

I hope this letter finds you well.

[It’s signed with the usual signature of a lily with its head bowed.]

(10)

[shatteredhourglass]

To Morgana-

There was a very bad game. You don’t need to read this one if you don’t feel like hearing about that kind of thing. I just figured it might be relevant since you know various people down here and run a business and all tha why are you writing out excuses before you even start just don't write about something like this in the first place

Essentially, we were starved and made to turn into monsters in order to hunt and kill each other to eat. Some players are assigned to be hunters, while others are assigned to be helpless lumps of meat waiting to be hunted. They’ve done it before. One of my senior unitmates was there and he got sick immediately when he realized what we were “playing”, which is always a promising sign.

Venti (the bard) was the one they made helpless on our unit. Lucifel (my senior) was so ill he could barely participate. Eirene (the girl who joined a little while before me) and I ended up being our hunters for the first two rounds.
I don’t know about the third. We didn’t get any food in the first round, and I got taken out of the game when I died in the second. I think most people just got brought back to life to keep playing, though. I wasn’t, and I didn’t have to eat at all. I was really, really lucky, compared to everybody else.

I was really really lucky but I still feel really sick, too. I volunteered because I’m used to hurting other people- I’m not exactly strong, but it’s one of the few things I can do. It turns out I can’t even do that down here with my other power taken away, though. I was really useless, AND I feel sick even though I had it so much better than everyone else. I know the Producers would want me to feel bad about that, and it’s stupid to feel bad about something that was maliciously made to make me feel bad, and it’s stupid to feel like I chose wrong or did the wrong thing when I didn’t actually have any choices at all, but I still hate it all. Most of all I hate that we won even though I didn’t manage to take down any of my opponents because that means Eirene must have been forced to hurt so many people and that makes me really, really mad I think. She’s really nice, and really strong, but they take advantage of the fact that she’s really nice and really strong and I hate it. Why is it always the nice people who

Why are you even writing all this no one needs to read that, no one needs to hear about this, it’s disgusting and horrible and just

[This letter ISN’T signed and was probably intended to get trashed, going by how it cuts off so abruptly and the bits that have scribbled on self-tsukkomi. Too bad it seems to have been accidentally mixed in with the others!! And the handwriting is kind of recognizable!!]

[LATEST LETTER BATCH]

[doublefried]

[ a bunch more letters arrive ]

Letter sent 417

[featherbeaned]

HI

Tea here hello (oﾟvﾟ)ノ

I just wanted to say you have TOP QUALITY GOLD STAR SUPER EXCELLENT extremely fantastically good taste in boyfriends and thank you very very very much for making him happy, he lights up whenever he talks about you. I love seeing him in love.

p.s. lmk if you want more nudes
(✿◡‿◡)

[ the whole thing is written in alcheme-purple biro, in the kind of blocky handwriting that suggests the writer is terrible at penmanship but is try Very Hard to make it legible. it's signed with a bright magenta paw print ]

[doublefried]

[ so Hell clearly lost a lot of mail because it did that thing where it sends you a bunch of envelopes that were clearly like, dropped in the gears of the sorting machine and they're all mangled, but they put the mangled envelope in a new plastic envelope and put a note on it that's like 'it was like this when we got here honest'

anyway there's a huge whack of old letters from like, two fanmails ago? which are all outdated and probably don't need a reply, because they're literally all conversations they had DURING the handshake event,

and then two from after the handshake event ]