tothosewhobait | Heckin Game Inbox

That's not what I mean. [He sighs, worm-loafing on the pillow, settling in.]

...There's more to it. The situation.

[It actually is making him feel?? Shitty?? To even have to say this?? Like on the one hand he wants Nanami to suffer, and he hopes Azul will never speak to him again, but more than Envy wants Nanami to suffer... he wants Azul not to be fucking devastated. Which is still wild, because he loves devastation. But he has no choice. Azul won't fully understand unless he tells him the whole story.]

[Reaches up to pet at one of those pudgy little arms with the tip of his finger]

Hmmm...?

Has he... Told you about Greed...? ...and the security girl?

[Pauses mid-pet, glancing up slowly, eyes still watery, dried spots on his glasses and tear tracks dried on his face which is currently a bit flushed around his eyes and nose from crying. His voice is still quiet when he speaks...just sort of slowly replying with what he knows, distracted with what that could mean]

...? I....know he works for Greed...? That was why I needed another assistant. He could only work part time since he had another job already... I don't....know any security girl though? A coworker, I'm guessing?

[Augh, fuck. Why's he already gotta look like that? It's just going to get worse from here, he knows it. He takes a deep breath, preparing himself for what's to come.]

It looks like you weren't the only one practicing non-ethical non-monogamy, then.

[He learned that phrase from Velvet, and it's the only way he can think of to explain what's happening and still not be like "OOH THE GUY YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH IS ALSO CHEATING ON YOUUUU." Because while he would be more than happy to say that to just about any other person, it really isn't doing anything for him to have to deliver this news to someone he actually cares about.]

[....he had a feeling that was where that question was headed. And just like with Envy, Azul had assumed Nanami had someone on the side or wasn't actually very serious about him. However...assuming and actually having it confirmed are two different things. He can feel all three hearts sink, blood running cold.]

Well. At least I was half right then.

[Oof. Ouch. Yeowch. Damn. This would be so good if it was literally anyone else. He doesn't know how to feel. Triumphant because Fuck Nanami, but also... Fuck.]

Azul, hey.

[He pushes himself up finally and pads across the pillow to sit closer to him.]

I'm... sorry. [He doesn't know what else to say, though. Everything he wants to say is completely unhelpful or completely awful and! That's not helpful at all!]

[Shakes his head a bit...reaching up to pet Envy with his whole hand finally]

That's why I didn't mention anything. I figured I was just...you know...

...

[It's nice to be pet, really, but it's kind of hard to enjoy this moment when he's looking like that.]

...he tried to kill me cos of how much he... Yeah. [Grumble.]

I don't think you're "nothing" to him... Not that I'm trying to help the asshole out or anything.

....how much he....?

[Grumbles.]

Don't make me say it. I don't-- want him to. I don't want him around. I don't want him to have you. I don't want you to choose him over me.

[His big stupid eyes well up with tears almost immediately and he turns his head away to let them fall and soak into the pillowcase. He definitely sounds like he's whining, petulant and sad.]

I wanted you, first. I wanted you enough to sign stupid papers that meant we'd be stuck here together until one of us cracked or disappeared!

[He doesn't know if that's even true. He has no idea how long this thing with Nanami has been going on. He doesn't know if he's actually the afterthought, here. Even after everything they've done together and how much time they spend together, he has no idea where any of Azul's hearts lie and how long they've belonged to someone else. He didn't want to think about it, so he didn't. He pretended everything was theirs and theirs alone.]

It's not fair. I love you more than he does. [Sniffle.] And he's still gonna win, isn't he.

[Patiently listens to every word, every sniffle, every petulant little whine....and drops a kiss to the top of Envy's head]

....can I ask you something?

[Sniffle, whimper.]

Yeah...?

Will you be my boyfriend?

[He blinks, more tears falling as he turns his head back to look at him. Is he seriously asking out a worm? But also--]

I thought... I already was? [It's sweet of him to ask more formally, though. And he doesn't know how to deal with that. He tries to shrink smaller, but he can't.] I mean. That's what I told Velvet...

This isn't a contract. That is....this is me asking you because the only thing I want out of it is you.

[Oh.

Oohhhh.]

...Oh. Huh. Right.

[He nods a little, slow and uncertain.]

Then... yeah. Yeah, I... want that. [Ough, he's so nauseous. Emotions are such a fucking pain.]

I want to stay with you.

I want to stay with you too.

...

[Lowers his head and continues hesitantly, looking away for a moment]

For the record....there was no one else. In case you were wondering. I know my words have likely lost a fair bit of their value right now, but I just wanted to let you know.

Other than... him and me?

[While that does kind of make things easier, he still doesn't like his odds.]

...Okay.

[Wipes at the corners of Envy's eyes]

I think we need to have a serious talk. I don't want to push you into it right now though... When today has been so much. For both of us.

[It's so weird to have someone care for him at all, much less when he's this disgusting creature... but Azul has treated him so kindly. He knows he doesn't deserve it. He's an awful beast, a worm, not even a real person.]

...yeah. It's kinda hard to take me seriously when I look like this, huh.

...?

[Tilts his head slightly in confusion]

Not at all. I think you look rather cute like this actually.

[Blinks.]

...you don't have to butter me up, you know...

I'm...not though. I just think you are cute. Even like this.

[...Impossible.]

...Really? Everyone has always just... called me ugly.

[Hence the obsession with other's beautiful faces.]

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