Heckin Game Inbox

[tothosewhobait]

[For messaging and continuations, beware possible 18+]

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[infinitecruelty]

[Did he really just-- oh. That's. Never happened before. In all of his years.]

...Hh. Your little bodyguard caught me snooping at The Nest. I didn't realize I was in his office. He got mad.

[tothosewhobait]

...

[Please hold, pausing the gentle brushing of his thumb over that hand as he tries to wrap his mind around Nanami doing this to someone over a little snooping]

...

...

...Nanami did this? How did he even...do this?

[infinitecruelty]

He killed me. Three times. Looks like I can't take as much of a beating as I used to after the Pipsqueak sent me through the Door.

[Rubbing at his face and flopping over with a whine.]

...Remember when I said I had to get really hurt to show you my "real" self? Well. Here you go.

[Lazily raises the half of his limbs that aren't touching the ground.]

Voila. [Flops them back down with a sigh.]

[tothosewhobait]

[Pipsqueak? Door? Nanami killing someone THREE TIMES over snooping? Azul's face crinkles up a bit in confusion as he tries to parse all that]

I'm....sorry you died. That must have been painful. Even if you came back...still.

[Frowns more, one part in all this standing out....but not wanting to press quite yet. Runs a gentle hand over Envy's back, petting him once more while he thinks.]

[infinitecruelty]

It was painful! First he stabbed me in my back and then he stabbed me in my head and then he punched me in my head, and then he stabbed me in my head again! So-- it was FOUR times!

[Whines, whimpers.]

He's a fucking psychopath. All I wanted to do was get those pictures for you and leave!

[tothosewhobait]

[Considering he has SEEN what a punch from Nanami can do, that is perhaps the most concerning one of all. And this all gets a sharp intake of breath from Azul. He can't help but think that surely? Surely??? There is something more to this. All over snooping and some photos....there's no way. He doesn't want to make excuses or drill Envy though...but his mind is reeling a bit]

[infinitecruelty]

[Azul is being too quiet. He knows where this is going, doesn't he.

The creature closes its eyes for a moment, charting the best course for this conversation he can. He could be mean, he could be hurt, demanding an answer, yelling at the top of his lungs at him for being the reason he's stuck like this... but outside of the fact it wouldn't be very serious coming from a worm, he's really just too exhausted. He's died too many times and isn't regenerating as fast as he's used to, and can't put that much energy into it right now. He's one good stomp away from dust, okay.

So, Azul will get the tiniest, quietest questioning.]

...Why didn't you tell me about him? ...Or him about me?

[tothosewhobait]

[...oh. So this is at least in part his fault... His shoulders slump a bit as that sets in. He sets Envy on his lap, still as careful as ever.]

I suppose...I didn't think either of you were that serious about me? Why would you be? That is... Mmm... I suppose the reason doesn't really matter, does it? At the end of the day, I didn't and I should have.... I'm sorry for that. And I'm sorry for this. I never meant to hurt you, honestly.

[infinitecruelty]

[He doesn't want to say that he's "that serious" about him, because that would imply that he has feelings and he can't have feelings. Not like those! He never has before! That can't be right! People do stupid things for those feelings, they make illogical choices, they sacrifice themselves for--

Oh...

Envy very much risked his life to prove that he had something with Azul and did ultimately die for it, even if it wasn't permanent. ...So maybe he does have feelings? Fuck, what a time to figure that one out.

Shit.]

...I took a letter opener to the face because I told him about us. I'd say it's "that serious."

[tothosewhobait]

[Curls over a bit, seeming to deflate. Azul suddenly seems much smaller and much younger than he usually does, all of the usual smugness or showmanship having seemingly left for now.]

I...may have miscalculated...

[infinitecruelty]

[...it's hard to be mad. He wants to be mad. He wants so bad to be mad.]

...Miscalculated what?

[tothosewhobait]

How much you both like me. Because…it’s not just him, right? You wouldn’t have stayed through all that otherwise. That is… You wouldn’t be here talking to me now if you felt lukewarm about me….right?

[infinitecruelty]

Oh, yeah. We're both real lukewarm. He's willing to kill me for you, and I'm willing to die for you.

Sooo fucking tepid. [He deflates more, not wanting to be even kind of on the same level as that asshole. But no, Nanami's going to end up getting praised for ending him and he's just going to get pitied for being so fucking weak. Weak enough to let that bastard destroy him over and over and over, and still let him live. Weak enough to do it just like that, because Greed would end him, and now, apparently, Azul loves him, too.

Great, just fucking wonderful.]

I just figured I'd let you know, because he's going to tell you. Good luck, I guess.

[tothosewhobait]

…do you think you can forgive me? I know that’s an unfair thing to ask when you’re hurting. I need to know though if I still have a chance.

[infinitecruelty]

...Are you going to forgive him for doing this to me?

[tothosewhobait]

[Lays down against the pillows with Envy, breathing out slowly]

…What did you do or say to him? There is no way this is simply over photos of paperwork.

[infinitecruelty]

I-- [He cannot believe he's being QUESTIONED right now. How very dare-]

I didn't DO anything until he attacked me! Like, sure, I turned into the security girl because I thought I could get out of there easier if I pretended to be her, but he caught me.

And then he attacked me, because he realized I wasn't her and thought I was there doing something ~nefarious~ or something! And like, sure, I was but it was just being nosy! I wasn't even stealing anything!

[tothosewhobait]

Sorry… I’m not trying to pin this on you. It’s just that it doesn’t sound like him…

[Sets Envy down on the pillow next to him, rolling onto his side so he can look at him]

There isn’t really a case where I’m okay with you getting killed though. Especially over something so small…

[infinitecruelty]

...

[Ugh. Ugh. He doesn't want to tell him. There's so much more information, but he's... honestly worried about telling him. What if it hurts him--

Shit. Since when has he cared whether or not something hurt somebody? He loves when things hurt people!

But... he doesn't want anything to hurt Azul. Maybe himself, someday, when the time is right and they've finally had enough and vow to end each other or something dramatic like that. But until then, nobody is allowed to hurt Azul.]

...

[He opens his weird little mouth to speak a few times, but nothing comes out. He huffs and hunkers down onto the pillow, fretful.]

[tothosewhobait]

...


...I've been really happy. And things have been really fun. I was worried when I got here and the twins weren't here with me. When I first arrived here...I felt truly alone for the first time in many years. So, when you both appeared and it wasn't so lonely anymore... I didn't want to get too excited because I didn't want to wind up even lower than I had been feeling by getting ahead of myself and looking like a fool.

[Scoots a little closer, reaching up to pet him again, seeing if his hand gets slapped away. Just petting with a finger still so that hopefully Envy doesn't get overwhelmed.]

Usually if something seems to be too good to be true, it probably is. So I convinced myself of that. I assumed you both were just having fun or had other people or that I wasn't so important. I was protecting myself, but it seems like that was at the cost of hurting you... I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to hurt you, I was just protecting myself from getting hurt.

I understand if you don't want to see me anymore. I probably wouldn't want to see me either... Still, thank you for making things fun. I was really happy.

[infinitecruelty]

[He lets him speak without interruption, trying to listen and not just... prepare to react. Still, it's all so ridiculous. The whole thing. Trite. Overplayed. Humans "cheat" on each other all the time and still claim they "love" the person they cheated on. Why? What's the point of love if all you're going to do is hurt yourself and the person you supposedly care about? Whims are so easily swayed, this way or that, and are ultimately about one person being satisfied. One, selfish person's satisfaction above all else.]

...Are you just trying to get out of it? This whole thing?

[He doesn't turn around, but he doesn't swat him away, either.]

I remember when you gave me my powers back. You wouldn't let me have your face, and I figured out your game. I said "You'll always take what matters most in exchange," because what mattered to me most at that time was to... Have your face. Be you. Whatever it was.

But do you remember what you said? [He doesn't wait for an answer.] You said "Of course, at the end of the day, the wish that gets granted first is my own." So I knew what you were about from the beginning, Azul. Your loyalties in this place ultimately lie with yourself and yourself alone.

[He's shaking a little, feeling ultra pathetic. Stupid, stupid.]

So how could I have been so delusional that I'd let myself think otherwise?

[He sniffles.] Maybe you're right. If it's too good to be true, it probably is.

[tothosewhobait]

I'm not trying to get out of it. I want to be with you...

[Curls his hands around Envy, gently pulling him onto Azul's pillow]

I'm just....trying to ask in a cowardly way...if you still want to be with me too?

[infinitecruelty]

I said things to you I've never said to anyone, before. I did things with you I've never wanted to do with anyone else. I had Velvet walk me all the way here just to fucking talk to you, not knowing if you would laugh me out of the building or be disgusted with me. I've humiliated myself in front of god knows how many people.

[He's so. Angry. With himself. He should have never let things go this far. He should have never gotten comfortable. And yet, even knowing what he will face if he stays, he cannot seem to let this go.]

You said you were expensive. The price for you would be high. And here I am, given up my body and my life and my dignity and you still have the audacity to ask if I want to be with you.

I've given you everything I have. What do you think?

[tothosewhobait]

[Buries his face against the pillow, going quiet for a moment. He reaches up to rub at one eye with the heel of his hand. When he does finally respond his voice is watery and quiet.]

...I think you have bad taste.

...

And I think no one has loved me that much before. And I know I want to do better by you. Nn...I will do better. So, can you give me another chance? I promise I will make it worth it.

[infinitecruelty]

[Loved? Loved? He didn't use that word, did he? Is that... what this is? All this fucking pain and humiliation and sacrifice-- fuck. That's what love is?! All that embarrassing bullshit he just said!? Fuck. FUCK.]

I-- Ah. Hey-- [He sits up then, finally turning to face him and his beautiful, pitiful face. Ugh, yeah. Turns out he hates seeing him like this. It makes him want to die.]

...I. I want to. But. What about him? You know he won't let me live, right.