Heckin Game Inbox

[tothosewhobait]

[For messaging and continuations, beware possible 18+]

Comments

[infinitecruelty]

You always look so-- [He waves his hands, gesturing nebulously] I don't know!

When you talk about him-- or about me and him, especially. You always get this look on your face. Like a kicked puppy or something. I don't understand it.

[He turns finally to look at him, brows knit with a pleading expression.]

Are you not having a good time? Am I doing something wrong?

[unpaidovertime]

I'm sorry. I continue to wonder what you have that I don't.

[He looks away again.]

I was having fun, and I want to. You haven't done anything wrong. I'm sorry I keep ruining things.

[infinitecruelty]

[That... shocks him. To his core.

There are many other circumstances in which Envy would have loved to take this opportunity to rub in someone's face that he was better than them at something. Hell, there was even a time that it was Nanami's face he wanted to rub it in, but now that he's working on developing and understanding his feelings about this human... It actually kind of hurts to know that whatever is there isn't being seen by Nanami at all.

What does he have that Nanami doesn't?]

I don't know. I wish I knew. I'd give it to you, if I could.

[His voice has gone quiet again, staring at nothing in his lap.]

Do you still wish it was just the two of you?

[unpaidovertime]

I don't wish it was the two of us. Do you wish it was the two of you?

[That's where the real worry is, that's where he feels weakest.]

You two are so perfect together.

[infinitecruelty]

No, I don't. I don't care about that. I never cared about any of that. You two could have kept doing everything you wanted to do, he never even had to hide you from me. It's not like he put a damn ring on my finger.

He and I-- We only belong to each other because that was our deal. I was never looking for a partnership or a relationship or even a fucking friend, Nanami. I've never had anything like this before, and I wasn't planning on starting to, then. I had my own selfish goals, and-- Shit. I approached him the same way I approached you. He didn't fight me, he somehow managed to deescalate the whole thing and I punched the ground and I felt better. And then... I don't know! Everything else just happened. It all fell in my lap. He fell in my lap, literally. I don't know why.

I don't know what about me does it for him, but he's the first person to ever see me as I am and want to keep me that way. [Ugh, why is it that every time he starts talking about this stuff, it makes his stupid face wet?] I've never been loved before. I don't even know what it means. I didn't ask for it. Which sucks more, doesn't it? For you, I mean. All the hard work you put into getting him to fall for you.

[He hates this. This is the part that makes him regret the whole deal.]

I'm sorry it didn't happen like that for you. I'm sorry something so important to you had to be wasted on a cretin like me. You deserve it. You deserve him, more than I do. You actually knew you wanted to be with him. [He shakes his head, wiping at his face haphazardly and sliding off the bed to his feet.] It isn't fair to you that it played out like this.

[unpaidovertime]

[He gets up after him and wraps Envy up in a hug. It hurts far more than he expected to see the sin cry, and he feels terrible for making that happen as well. Even though it's not a good time to apologize for it.]

I put the work in because I wanted to, and I would do it again without hesitation. Now I'm seeing that I need to put more work in with you, to make things even, to get you to like me.

[He feels a bit more sober now, which makes things easier.]

I can't address everything you've said, I don't know anyone's heart but my own, and sometimes even that not as well as I should. But I know you deserve love. And I want to do my best to give you love as well, even if I'm admittedly not that good at it. I don't exactly have a fantastic track record of relationships myself.

[infinitecruelty]

[Envy freezes, not prepared for the contact in any capacity. He still isn't used to having another person try to touch him, much less attempt to embrace him. He's glad he doesn't try to push him away, since that would send the wrong message-- he doesn't want him to stop, but he doesn't know how to move forward, either. All he can do is hold onto Nanami's arms, hoping that enough to tell him he doesn't want him to go anywhere.]

Who said I don't like you? I've been trying to show you that I do, but... I don't know. I guess I'm not doing it right. I mean, you see how I talk to Azul, it's not exactly romantic. I don't know how to say all that stuff... it doesn't come naturally to me. And I'm afraid if I try, it's going to sound... fake.

[unpaidovertime]

I know, I see you trying. I hope you see me trying, too.

[Just going to stand here and hold Envy until he pulls away... or until Azul gets back.]

[tothosewhobait]

[Hears the talking in the room die down...that is either a good sign or a bad sign. Either way, he finally opens the door loudly to let them know he's returned. He steps out of his slippers and heads into the bedroom]

[infinitecruelty]

I just wish--

[Fuck.

He had something he was going to say, but the sound of the door startles him and his stupid lizard brain into remembering that it was, in fact, in the middle of g-ing the f out of here for a minute. He slips out of Nanami's grasp and disappears into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind him.]

[unpaidovertime]

[Oh dear, that seems bad.]

Envy? Are you alright?

[Giving Azul the most forlorn, guilty look when he comes in. He isn't even entirely sure how he fucked up this time but he clearly fucked up.]

[tothosewhobait]

....I see I missed something.

[Walks over to Nanami, reaching up to cup his cheek with a hand, thumb brushing over his cheek]

[infinitecruelty]

Yep, just-- uh! Bathroom!

[Does a homunculus even need to use a bathroom? Who knows. He's just waiting out this awful feeling in his chest and making sure he doesn't look so puffy when he's ready to go back out in a minute.]

[unpaidovertime]

[Leaning in to kiss Azul on the forehead and then sitting down on the bed.]

... I'm not good at this. I know I've warned you, but here it is in action. I'm sorry.

[tothosewhobait]

[....sets aside the ice cream before climbing onto Nanami's lap. His arms drape over the other man's shoulders before reaching up to pet at the back of his neck]

It's new for all three of us, isn't it? I'm sorry too. I wish I was more experienced, so I could be of more help for all of us. That said...you're doing your best, aren't you?

[unpaidovertime]

I am, I just wish my best was... better.

[He does appreciate the hands in his hair and the weight in his lap.]

Should I change clothes?

[tothosewhobait]

I think you look rather attractive like this, but if you would be more comfortable in something else, then I want that.

[Nuzzles along his jaw before pressing a kiss just behind his ear]

[unpaidovertime]

For a while there I thought we might all dress down again, but you buttoned up and now I've scared him off. I feel a little out of place.

[More than a little, but a little is all he's willing to admit to.]

[tothosewhobait]

[....reaches down and takes Nanami's hands, guiding them back up to his buttons]

I do not want you to feel out of place....so we can either dress you up or dress me down.

[unpaidovertime]

What will make you comfortable?

[Not going to undo anything until he knows.]

[tothosewhobait]

I am fine with either. I just have to remind myself it isn't anything you or Envy haven't seen before.

[unpaidovertime]

It's something I enjoy seeing, actually.

[Unbuttoning the bottom button first. Keeping an ear out for Envy as well, he doesn't want to get too far with this before he comes back.]

[tothosewhobait]

I would be more than a bit disappointed if you didn't. Enjoy seeing it, that is.

[Leans back just a little to give Nanami room to work his buttons open]

[infinitecruelty]

[At this point he doesn't know what the best course of action is. Either he goes out there and ruins a perfectly good time because he's not really Feeling It Anymore, or he stays in here and has to listen to them move on without him.... potentially still ruining a perfectly good time when they do eventually remember he exists.

He eyes the small window above the tub and considers simply turning into a bird and flying the fuck out of here altogether. It makes him sick to think that he's let these people get under his skin like this. He's not even supposed to care! Disgusting. Ugh.

Maybe he should go. It sounds like they're moving on quickly. He steps into the tub and reaches up to start fiddling with the lock on the window, annoyed with himself for deciding to be so tiny all the time.]

[unpaidovertime]

I know we both do.

[Which brings up a good point. Raising his voice so he's sure Envy can hear him.]

Jewel? Can you come out here and help me with something?